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Four Plus an Angel by Jessica Watson

Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby

What to do for International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

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October 15th is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It marks the end of a marathon of anniversary dates for us. We lost Hadley on October 11 so having this day so soon after fits with the mood of the month. Every year I'm still fighting off my grief hangover from our anniversary dates and this remembrance day finishes off our emotional week. The good (if you can call it that) thing about being 14 years into this journey is that I've got this remembrance day down. I know what I want to do, how I want to pay tribute to the many other loss families I've connected with and where to go for the resources I need. Since a recent reader of my work called me a "grief Continue Reading

12 Books you must read in the new year

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Like everyone else I've spent more time home in 2020 than I could have ever imagined. With all this time at home has come a ton of books and some extra time to actually read them. My list of favorites is growing again so it's definitely time for another book list. It took me a while to narrow them down but I think I've got it down to my top 12 of 2020. Full disclosure, it takes me way too long to finish blog posts these days. While working on this post I may have read a few more books so there's a 2021 pick or two on this list. Here's everything I've loved lately that you should absolutely add to your wish list, put on hold at the library or run out and buy: Sing, Unburied, Sing Continue Reading

What I would tell my newly grieving self

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preemie holding finger

Years ago I stuck a photo to the side of our fridge of Mark and I at our wedding shower. I loved the reminder of our early days until I didn't anymore. Hollowed out by grief I would stare at that photo and wonder who that girl was smiling effortlessly at the camera. Eventually I took the photo down. It was too hard to reconcile how the sparkle of a future in front of us had changed to an impossible lifetime without one of our children. I didn't recognize myself anymore. I've made peace with the person I became after we lost our daughter and thought a lot about what I would tell her if I could go back in time. To my newly grieving self, At some point you will wake up and not be Continue Reading

If you need help right now

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This post was written in partnership with the Michigan State Housing Development Authority (MSHDA). I am compensated for spreading the word about MSHDA programs, but all thoughts, dramatic stories, and run-on sentences are my own. We sat in a quaint diner, three blocks from the lake we loved and decided to put in an offer on a sunny lake house we'd been circling for weeks. A year or so out from our wedding, we spent weekends when Ashlyn was at her grandparents driving around and around trying to find our next home. Never ones for sitting still when it comes to where we live, our house hunt was on again. Our first home together wasn't going to cut it if our plans to grow our family ever Continue Reading

A Home Was Waiting When We Were Ready

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teen parenting over the years

This post was written by me in partnership with the Michigan State Housing Development Authority. I have been compensated for my time but all thoughts, opinions and crazy stories are my own. I've spent the last week binge-watching the show "Unexpected" whenever my kids aren't in the room. During every episode, I ask myself at least five times why in the world I'm watching this show. But I know why. I was once these girls. Minus the three generations of teen moms in their families and the now-in fashion nose ring, but I was still a teen mom with no idea what I was doing. Just clueless enough to think I knew it all. As "Unexpected" follows the path of each teen mom, they inevitably Continue Reading

All you need to know to be a homeschooler right now

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homeschooling

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine homeschooling would become wildly popular because of a pandemic. We've been homeschooling for years and years and years and, as much as I didn't think I knew what I was doing, people are asking me all kinds of questions and I have answers! Maybe I do know what I'm doing after all. Here's the quick(ish) version of what you need to know about homeschooling life in order to make things work for your own family. Patience is like your ab muscles- Right now you're in, let's say, your first post C-section workout. You've got zero strength, everything is burning and you can maybe do half a crunch before your eyes start watering. But when you start Continue Reading

Full circle baby, full circle

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When you were young you were colicky, both of you were. I mean I think that's what it was. At 6 pm every evening one of you would start crying and cry and cry for hours. Your dad would walk in the door from work, swing his tie over the shoulder of his suit jacket and take over so my biceps could rest or I could cook dinner or help your sister with homework. Whatever fire needed put out we just kept squirting water out in front of us, blindly hoping to make a dent in it that day before it kindled again the next. We had all kinds of tricks in our evening repertoire. Bounce him up higher, closer to your face while you hum.I think she stopped when the blow dryer was on. No, it has to be Continue Reading

8 Books you need to read

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8 books you must read

This post, along with many of the posts on FPAA, contains affiliate links. I make a small percentage off of these links when you click on them. Thank you, as always, for your support. With the help of audiobooks I've been reading a crazy-ton of books. I'm always reading something or listening to something and I have so many recommendations of books you need to read. I'm going to try to slow down and give you descriptions of them. Generally I'd just like to give you a big long list and tell you need to read them because. In other news.. I could never be one of those book reviewers. I like to give it five stars if it deserves five stars, tell everyone to read it because I thought it was Continue Reading

What is the longest lasting nail color?

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Color Street nails

I've discovered it makes me extra happy to have pretty nails.  Now that my kids are getting older I have plenty of time to overanalyze my aging hands and how good or bad my nails are looking. If they're not polished they start chipping or I start biting them so I'm forever in search of the longest lasting nail color. There are a million new products out there. Pinterest is full of tutorials for how to polish your nails so they last longer than gels or acrylics (they don't work for me!). I'm forever that person believing claims about polish lasting for 15 days or setting like gels at a salon. I've been lured in by commercials, counter displays and Facebook ads and I've tried them Continue Reading

From loss comes fear

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I would like to say that losing a child turned me into an indestructible momma who will fear nothing because she's already been through the worst. But I can't. Losing my daughter turned me into a feather. What was once a smallish issue with anxiety snowballed into a big lump of fear that I carry with me through life. Hadley died suddenly. One minute my husband and I were turning from isolette to isolette to isolette, marveling at our teeny triplets and the next we were looking at the sad eyes of a respiratory therapist explain what a pulmonary hemorrhage can do to such a tiny body. I've never been able to shake that suddenness. The fact that one moment I was worrying about my c-section Continue Reading